WEBVTT 00:00.240 --> 00:04.320 You how 00:04.820 --> 00:08.280 do you make the most out of your relationship with your advisors? We mentioned this 00:08.780 --> 00:12.160 in the previous section, but it's really important to start off with a deep 00:12.660 --> 00:15.959 understanding of what you want to get out of your relationship 00:16.459 --> 00:20.160 with the advisor and what the advisor wants to get out of the relationship with 00:20.660 --> 00:24.080 you. Without this understanding, you don't know how you're making the 00:24.580 --> 00:28.700 most of it, and you don't have this measure of success to. To measure 00:29.200 --> 00:33.460 against to see if you're making the best use of your advisor's time 00:33.540 --> 00:37.100 and your own time. So it's really important that you are 00:37.600 --> 00:41.740 clear and honest with yourself and your advisor what the mutual benefit 00:42.240 --> 00:46.180 and the mutual gain is for this relationship, what is the goal that 00:46.680 --> 00:50.660 you're trying to achieve and what are the skills, what are the milestones 00:51.160 --> 00:54.680 you need in order to get to that goal? Now, you might not know the 00:55.180 --> 00:58.680 answer to that second bit yourself. If this is an aspirational 00:58.840 --> 01:03.000 goal, it's not something you've done before. You might actually need your 01:03.500 --> 01:06.800 advisor's help in order to understand the milestones towards 01:07.300 --> 01:10.760 that goal and the skills and the experiences you need to gain 01:10.840 --> 01:14.680 in order to be able to reach it. That is absolutely fine 01:15.320 --> 01:18.520 to build that with your advisor in the first few 01:19.020 --> 01:22.520 sessions together, but you really do need to be clear on that end 01:22.680 --> 01:26.080 goal yourself before you're reaching 01:26.580 --> 01:29.960 out to advisors and before you're. Especially before you're starting 01:30.120 --> 01:33.400 the sessions with them. So North Star 01:33.640 --> 01:36.200 in mind is essential for both of you. 01:37.960 --> 01:41.560 Next to the logistics of the actual sessions themselves, 01:42.280 --> 01:45.320 preparation here is incredibly important. 01:46.230 --> 01:50.390 You don't get the benefit of the coaching sessions in 01:50.890 --> 01:54.590 the sessions themselves. The benefits come after. And so 01:55.090 --> 01:58.510 you've got to make sure that you're going into the sessions with an 01:59.010 --> 02:02.630 understanding of what you want to get out of them, and you're leaving the sessions 02:03.110 --> 02:06.550 with actionable items for you to do afterwards. 02:07.430 --> 02:10.550 Now, this is going to be slightly different. The dynamics of this is going to 02:11.050 --> 02:14.620 be different depending on if you're in a coaching relationship relationship which is led by 02:15.120 --> 02:18.380 you, or a mentoring relationship which is led by the 02:18.880 --> 02:22.420 advisor. And going into a session with a 02:22.920 --> 02:26.420 really clear list of asks is less important in a 02:26.920 --> 02:30.620 mentoring session than a coaching session. But I still advise doing 02:31.120 --> 02:34.460 it. I still advise understanding what you want to get out of this particular 02:34.540 --> 02:38.340 session. What are the experiences you've had recently that 02:38.840 --> 02:42.490 you want to get feedback on? How did a conversation 02:42.990 --> 02:46.290 go and how did you phrase it with somebody, and what was 02:46.790 --> 02:50.290 the advice that the advisor could give you? What is 02:50.790 --> 02:54.850 something that's Coming up that you'd like to plan for and how can the advisor 02:55.350 --> 02:59.050 give you guidance for an upcoming challenge that you've got? 02:59.210 --> 03:02.690 Having this preparation before the session is 03:03.190 --> 03:06.440 how you make the most of your time with the advisor. 03:07.160 --> 03:10.720 And then secondly, once you've had the session, make sure 03:11.220 --> 03:14.840 you've got a list of actionable items for each of you to do. 03:15.240 --> 03:19.400 Ideally, there should be something that both you and your advisor need 03:19.900 --> 03:22.680 to do after each session. 03:23.160 --> 03:27.040 We don't necessarily want these sessions to just become having 03:27.540 --> 03:30.760 a chat. You can do that with friends. You have friends. 03:31.410 --> 03:35.890 The point of an advisor relationship is to have actionable outcomes. 03:36.290 --> 03:39.730 And so having a list of actions is how you make 03:40.230 --> 03:44.690 sure that you're guiding the relationship and the conversations towards doing something. 03:45.570 --> 03:48.970 There's lots of ways you can do this. You can use a to 03:49.470 --> 03:52.330 do list, you can use a calendar, you can just use an email or a 03:52.830 --> 03:56.250 text message. Doesn't necessarily matter the medium of how you 03:56.750 --> 04:01.910 gain this list of actionable items, it's important that it exists because 04:02.070 --> 04:05.510 that also is how you become accountable to each other. 04:05.830 --> 04:10.350 Each of these actionable items will be assigned to either 04:10.850 --> 04:14.910 you or your advisor, and therefore they'll have a date associated with 04:15.410 --> 04:19.390 them. And you can hold each other accountable for doing 04:19.890 --> 04:23.670 those things. Both your advisor to you, but also you to your advisor. 04:23.750 --> 04:27.360 Remember that this relationship only works if you're both, both getting 04:27.860 --> 04:31.240 something out of it. And the moment one of you stops getting something out of 04:31.740 --> 04:34.480 it, that is when the relationship starts breaking down. 04:35.360 --> 04:39.760 And so making sure you each have actionable items is how you 04:40.260 --> 04:42.000 make sure you both get something out of the relationship. 04:43.520 --> 04:47.760 Lastly, and this is really important, speaking as somebody 04:47.840 --> 04:50.800 who has advised many people, 04:51.120 --> 04:54.720 one of the things that I've always really valued as an advisor 04:55.220 --> 04:59.020 is when somebody has told me when something I have said or an experience 04:59.520 --> 05:02.460 I've shared has resonated particularly deeply with them. 05:03.020 --> 05:06.340 The reason for that is twofold. First of all, it's nice to 05:06.840 --> 05:10.180 hear, makes me know that I'm kind of doing the right thing and doing a 05:10.680 --> 05:14.260 good job and helping somebody. It's just genuinely nice to hear 05:14.760 --> 05:17.940 that something I said has been impactful. It makes me want to 05:18.440 --> 05:21.980 advise more. But secondly, it also helps me understand 05:22.060 --> 05:25.980 which things particularly resonate with the person I'm advising. 05:26.640 --> 05:30.080 If they say, oh, when you shared that experience, that was exactly 05:30.580 --> 05:34.320 what I needed, because, you know, that's what I'm looking for in this relationship, 05:34.960 --> 05:38.440 I can go, ah, perfect. So I need to find other 05:38.940 --> 05:42.080 things similar to that, to share other things in that vein. 05:42.560 --> 05:45.840 Whereas, you know, if you said, oh, thank you for that, 05:46.240 --> 05:49.600 for that explanation, but that wasn't particularly what I'm after, that means, 05:50.100 --> 05:53.680 okay, great, I need to find something else. So clear, open communication 05:53.840 --> 05:57.570 between you and and your advisor on the things that 05:58.070 --> 06:00.890 helped you and the things that didn't help you. 06:01.450 --> 06:04.330 And it can feel challenging to say to your advisor, 06:04.890 --> 06:07.850 thank you for that piece of advice, but I don't think it's useful. 06:08.410 --> 06:11.930 But remember, everything we talked about in the difficult conversations 06:12.010 --> 06:15.050 costs. We're doing this because it helps us, 06:15.850 --> 06:20.330 and we need to keep that in mind to give us the mindset that 06:20.740 --> 06:24.740 it's a challenging conversation we need to have, and we're going to have it.