WEBVTT 00:03.920 --> 00:06.880 Why is resolving conflict important? 00:08.000 --> 00:11.280 Well, conflict will occur around us, be it 00:11.780 --> 00:15.800 the unhealthy kind or the healthy kind. Conflict is an inevitability when 00:16.300 --> 00:19.400 you have teams and groups of people working together. It's not 00:19.900 --> 00:23.160 always a bad thing, as well as we'll talk about later, but the conflict 00:23.660 --> 00:26.960 does ultimately have to be resolved. Whether it's an unhealthy 00:27.460 --> 00:30.840 conflict or a healthy conflict. Both of the types of 00:31.340 --> 00:35.360 conflict have to be resolved. And this is because without 00:35.520 --> 00:38.640 a resolution, we can't move forward as a team. 00:39.760 --> 00:43.120 Conflict needs to be resolved because by 00:43.620 --> 00:47.520 definition, a conflict is an unresolved state of affairs. 00:48.480 --> 00:51.840 If we didn't have a conflict, we would know exactly what we were 00:52.340 --> 00:55.480 doing, we'd know exactly how we were doing it and exactly how we were getting 00:55.980 --> 00:59.970 to where we need to get to. But without getting getting there, without resolving 01:00.470 --> 01:04.410 the conflict, we're left in a state of flux. Now, we've mentioned this 01:04.910 --> 01:08.210 a few times, but as leaders, the main impact we make on 01:08.710 --> 01:12.650 our teams is not through our own individual contributions, it's through the contributions 01:13.150 --> 01:16.810 of others. And so we need to have all of that team working 01:17.310 --> 01:20.570 together, pulling together in order to have the best impact from 01:21.070 --> 01:24.170 their time with a conflict hanging over their heads. 01:24.410 --> 01:28.810 There's uncertainty and there isn't a defined 01:29.130 --> 01:33.030 way of going forward forward with that team. That can lead to different 01:33.530 --> 01:36.950 team members pulling in different directions. It can lead to one person 01:37.030 --> 01:40.110 going, well, I'm going to do it my way. Even if the rest of the 01:40.610 --> 01:43.710 team does it their way, it can lead to wasted efforts 01:44.210 --> 01:47.630 of multiple people attempting to solve the same problem in 01:48.130 --> 01:52.030 different ways. Conflict is a resource 01:52.530 --> 01:56.190 killer. It can breed resentment in teams if 01:56.690 --> 02:00.350 it's unhealthy conflict. But even if it's a healthy conflict, you can still 02:00.850 --> 02:04.170 have a scenario where it actually reduces the productivity 02:04.670 --> 02:08.770 of your teams. I've spoken about these 02:09.270 --> 02:13.170 two types of conflicts a couple of times now. I've spoken about healthy conflict and 02:13.670 --> 02:17.250 unhealthy conflict. So I think I need to define what those two things are 02:17.750 --> 02:21.490 before we go any further so you can start to understand and recognize the 02:21.990 --> 02:25.650 difference between healthy conflict and unhealthy conflict. 02:26.610 --> 02:30.490 So when you're in a healthy conflict, this is when you've got aligned 02:30.990 --> 02:34.810 goals and outcomes. If you've got group of people who all 02:35.310 --> 02:38.970 share and understand where they're getting to, they have 02:39.470 --> 02:42.970 that aligned goal or they know the outcome and they all 02:43.470 --> 02:46.930 agree on that outcome, then that's a good indication that you're 02:47.430 --> 02:50.650 going to have a healthy conflict. If you have a group 02:51.150 --> 02:55.410 that have misaligned goals or the outcome they're trying 02:55.910 --> 02:59.250 to get towards is different, it's probably a good indication that you 02:59.750 --> 03:03.560 haven't unhealthy conflict. We all know the situation where we're 03:04.060 --> 03:07.680 working in a team of people, and yet one person in the team is being 03:08.180 --> 03:11.400 incentivized to get to a different goal compared 03:11.900 --> 03:15.919 to the other person in the team. This is a really good indicator that an 03:16.419 --> 03:20.120 unhealthy conflict is likely to occur. So it's 03:20.620 --> 03:24.040 really important that if we're putting people together as a team, that they 03:24.540 --> 03:28.180 have aligned goals or the outcomes that 03:28.680 --> 03:32.060 they want to achieve are the same doesn't necessarily mean that they 03:32.560 --> 03:36.100 weight the different things slightly differently, or it doesn't necessarily mean 03:36.600 --> 03:39.500 that the way they want to get to those goals are the same. 03:40.140 --> 03:43.820 They don't have to. And that's fine 03:44.320 --> 03:46.940 for a healthy conflict, but those goals have to be the same. 03:48.060 --> 03:52.180 The next thing that defines the difference between a healthy and unhealthy 03:52.680 --> 03:56.640 conflict is mutual respect and trust. If you've got a group 03:57.140 --> 04:00.520 of people who trust each other, then you can more easily 04:01.020 --> 04:04.680 have a healthy conflict than if those same people don't 04:05.180 --> 04:08.320 trust each other. If there isn't that respect and that 04:08.820 --> 04:13.280 understanding and that assumption of positive intent, 04:13.920 --> 04:17.080 then you're not going to have a healthy conflict. 04:17.580 --> 04:21.040 Potentially with an unhealthy conflict, 04:21.120 --> 04:24.800 this is where you get those bat channels, the biting, the passive 04:25.300 --> 04:28.530 aggressive conversations, because there isn't trust, 04:29.030 --> 04:32.930 there isn't respect, and there isn't an assumption of positive 04:33.330 --> 04:37.370 intent. So if these are the things that define the 04:37.870 --> 04:40.690 differences between healthy and unhealthy conflict, 04:40.770 --> 04:44.850 then why is this important? Why do we want healthy conflicts? 04:45.350 --> 04:48.850 Why do we want aligned goals, mutual respect, and positive intent? 04:49.570 --> 04:53.170 Well, the answer is because when we have healthy conflict, 04:53.630 --> 04:56.990 ideas win, whereas when we have unhealthy conflict, 04:57.230 --> 05:00.030 people win. What do I mean by that? 05:00.190 --> 05:03.670 Well, I'm sure we've all been in these conflicts where there's been a lot of 05:04.170 --> 05:06.990 discussion, a lot of ideas put on the table, 05:07.230 --> 05:10.790 a lot of disagreement, and, you know, people saying, 05:11.290 --> 05:14.310 my idea is better, my idea is better. And then at the end of the 05:14.810 --> 05:18.350 day, we have an idea 05:18.850 --> 05:22.510 that wins. That isn't necessarily the best idea. It just came 05:23.010 --> 05:26.010 from the loudest voice, the most aggressive voice, 05:26.170 --> 05:28.970 the highest paid person's voice, 05:29.450 --> 05:34.170 the person that gives the idea that isn't necessarily the 05:34.670 --> 05:37.810 best outcome for the business in the long term, but the best outcome in the 05:38.310 --> 05:42.490 short term. And it's because that person has their ear of 05:42.890 --> 05:47.370 the person who's making the decision that means that they win 05:47.690 --> 05:51.650 the conflict. And so really what we're trying to breed with 05:52.150 --> 05:55.730 healthy conflict is that all of that goes away. We're not discussing 05:56.230 --> 05:59.710 which person is the loudest. We're not, you know, giving in 06:00.210 --> 06:03.550 to the, the person who holds the floor the most and 06:04.050 --> 06:07.470 is the most assertive or aggressive in the way that they have 06:07.970 --> 06:11.510 the conflict. But the best idea wins, 06:11.990 --> 06:15.750 no matter who said the idea, no matter where the idea 06:16.250 --> 06:19.590 came from, no matter what led up to that 06:20.090 --> 06:23.880 idea. And the other ideas that exist are irrelevant 06:24.380 --> 06:27.120 because it's the best ideas that win. 06:28.720 --> 06:32.080 How do you know if you're in a healthy or 06:32.580 --> 06:36.000 an unhealthy conflict? The phrase I want you to keep 06:36.080 --> 06:39.359 forefront in your mind is safe dialogue. 06:39.440 --> 06:42.920 There's two words in this phrase, safe and dialogue. 06:43.420 --> 06:46.720 And they're both incredibly important to understanding whether 06:47.220 --> 06:51.240 or not you're in a healthy or an unhealthy conflict. Let's tackle 06:51.740 --> 06:55.800 dialogue first. Dialogue means a conversation. 06:55.960 --> 06:59.640 It means multiple people speaking. It's not a 07:00.140 --> 07:03.720 monologue. That's the thing to think about. If there's a monologue happening, 07:03.880 --> 07:07.560 if one person is talking more than everybody else, if one person 07:07.800 --> 07:11.160 is holding court and filibustering and, you know, 07:11.660 --> 07:14.440 not allowing other people to converse, 07:15.160 --> 07:19.080 then it's not a dialogue, it's a monologue. And so dialogue 07:19.580 --> 07:23.190 just means multiple people speaking. Is everybody being 07:23.690 --> 07:26.550 equally heard in that dialogue? 07:27.270 --> 07:31.150 The first word, safe, this is slightly 07:31.650 --> 07:35.350 harder to understand because it could mean multiple 07:35.850 --> 07:39.590 things for multiple people. But the way that I encourage you to 07:40.090 --> 07:44.310 start thinking about it is what happens if a dialogue isn't 07:44.630 --> 07:48.630 safe? Because when we enter an unhealthy conflict, 07:49.130 --> 07:52.950 what actually happens physiologically is that our stress systems 07:53.450 --> 07:57.250 act activate. We get this so called fight or flight response 07:57.570 --> 08:01.650 because we don't feel safe in what's 08:02.150 --> 08:05.330 happening right now. And depending on the person, and depending 08:05.830 --> 08:09.330 on the circumstance that person finds themselves in, it could actually 08:09.570 --> 08:13.210 have different symptoms for 08:13.710 --> 08:18.370 them. The two typical type of symptoms are back 08:18.870 --> 08:22.210 to our fight or flight example, either silence or violence. 08:23.250 --> 08:27.150 And when I say silence, what I mean here is withdrawing 08:27.310 --> 08:31.070 dialogue. It doesn't necessarily have to mean 08:31.230 --> 08:34.190 silence. That's why I've put silence in quotes. 08:34.430 --> 08:37.950 Withdrawing dialogue just basically means that you've decided 08:38.190 --> 08:41.629 that you're not going to be part of this discussion anymore 08:41.790 --> 08:45.150 and that you're going to make the minimal efforts to appear 08:45.230 --> 08:48.990 engaged but not actually care about the outcome. You've basically 08:49.070 --> 08:53.350 given up on the dialogue, it's not safe to for you anymore. 08:53.510 --> 08:56.990 And so you've just stepped back and Given up. And you 08:57.490 --> 09:00.790 might get the. Mm. You might get the nods of the head. You might get 09:01.290 --> 09:05.190 the. Yeah, you might get the. If you say so. But that's basically 09:05.690 --> 09:08.390 what silence looks like. Whereas with violence. 09:08.950 --> 09:12.310 And again, this is in quotes, this is not actual violence, 09:12.810 --> 09:16.550 or at least I hope it's not in your organization. We're talking here about forcing 09:17.050 --> 09:20.480 dialogue. We're talking about having your speech, 09:20.640 --> 09:24.320 your words forced into the conversation. 09:24.560 --> 09:27.840 And this is. This could be things like interrupting 09:28.340 --> 09:31.560 people. It could be having. No, no, 09:32.060 --> 09:34.480 no, no. You don't understand. You don't get it. You don't get what I'm saying. 09:34.980 --> 09:38.640 Let me explain it again. It's explaining the same thing multiple times, even though 09:38.880 --> 09:42.320 everybody in the room understands what that person is saying. 09:43.520 --> 09:46.980 So we typically get these two types of response, 09:47.620 --> 09:51.380 and depending on the circumstance, the same person 09:51.880 --> 09:54.020 could exhibit different behavior. 09:55.540 --> 09:59.060 So if I think about myself and I think about my tendency, 09:59.860 --> 10:03.740 I probably tend more towards the withdrawal 10:04.240 --> 10:07.700 of dialogue. If I'm in an unhealthy conflict, I tend 10:08.200 --> 10:12.300 to not engage. I tend to just, you know, hold myself 10:12.800 --> 10:15.990 back from that conversation. But there are circumstances, 10:16.150 --> 10:19.470 if I'm particularly triggered by something or it's something I'm 10:19.970 --> 10:23.430 particularly passionate about, and I believe 10:23.930 --> 10:27.430 that the idea that the other person has put forward is not the right idea, 10:27.930 --> 10:31.190 then I can actually switch into that forcing dialogue mode. 10:31.910 --> 10:35.590 So even though my default is withdrawing, 10:35.750 --> 10:39.750 I can actually go into forcing. And so it's important to think about that when 10:40.320 --> 10:44.000 you're observing a conflict, either because you're part of it or because 10:44.500 --> 10:48.240 you've come across and you're. You're seeing a potential unhealthy 10:48.740 --> 10:52.240 conflict that not everybody will exhibit the exact same circumstances. 10:52.960 --> 10:56.199 Sorry, not everybody in the exact same circumstances will exhibit the 10:56.699 --> 11:00.640 exact same behavior. And not everybody will exhibit the same behavior in 11:01.140 --> 11:02.400 different circumstances. 11:05.040 --> 11:08.240 So when we find ourselves in an unhealthy conflict, 11:08.740 --> 11:11.920 how do we move to a healthy conflict? How do we get to this place 11:12.300 --> 11:15.900 of safe dialogue from where we are now with dialogue that 11:16.400 --> 11:20.380 is not particularly safe? The model I want you to think about is the 11:20.880 --> 11:24.700 pause model. So when we find ourselves in an unhealthy conflict, 11:25.200 --> 11:27.980 we need to take a pause and plan what we do next. 11:28.780 --> 11:32.540 And this model will take you through the steps of preparing 11:33.020 --> 11:36.500 for moving that conflict from an unhealthy to 11:37.000 --> 11:40.420 a healthy one, But. But also what you do afterwards and how 11:40.920 --> 11:43.660 you move on from the unhealthy conflict. 11:44.460 --> 11:47.900 So the steps are prepare, actively, listen, 11:48.300 --> 11:51.020 understand, share, and then end. 11:51.820 --> 11:55.340 And we'll talk through all of these steps. So prepare. 11:55.580 --> 11:58.980 Often you've got to acknowledge internally that 11:59.480 --> 12:02.820 there's actually an unhealthy conflict going on. Sometimes we can be in 12:03.320 --> 12:06.550 conflict and not even realize we're in a conflict. 12:06.790 --> 12:10.470 Because especially if somebody else's way of dealing 12:10.550 --> 12:14.470 with an unhealthy conflict is that withdrawal of dialogue, 12:14.550 --> 12:17.830 we might not even recognize that their 12:18.330 --> 12:21.030 belief is that we're in a conflict, and our belief is that we're not. 12:21.350 --> 12:24.510 And so the first step of moving from an 12:25.010 --> 12:28.550 unhealthy to a healthy conflict is to acknowledge internally to ourselves 12:28.710 --> 12:32.010 that we are actually in a conflict. 12:32.970 --> 12:36.890 Then the next we've got mindset and preparation. So you'll recognize these 12:37.390 --> 12:40.010 from the difficult conversations. Course, 12:40.410 --> 12:44.290 these apply equally here. A lot of these conversations 12:44.790 --> 12:48.730 that we're going to have with people whom we have an unhealthy conflict 12:49.230 --> 12:52.490 with are going to be difficult by nature of the fact that there are conflicts. 12:52.990 --> 12:56.890 And so the mindset and preparation techniques you learn from debugging 12:57.390 --> 13:01.380 difficult conversations will equally apply here. And then we've 13:01.880 --> 13:05.780 got courage and composure. So we might acknowledge the fact that 13:06.280 --> 13:09.900 we're in a conflict. We might have the right mindset, 13:10.400 --> 13:14.380 but that doesn't mean we necessarily have the courage to have that conversation. 13:15.180 --> 13:19.140 And of course, if we do have that conversation, we need to 13:19.640 --> 13:22.980 make sure that our personal composure is appropriate. And we're not going 13:23.480 --> 13:27.260 into that conversation without being composed 13:27.740 --> 13:30.770 and being calm and thoughtful 13:31.270 --> 13:35.130 and ready to listen to the other person. So you'll recognize that all 13:35.630 --> 13:39.570 of this first step is about you. It's about you. Because you've 13:40.070 --> 13:43.410 got to get to the place where you're ready to have 13:43.890 --> 13:47.970 this conversation about moving the conflict from an unhealthy 13:48.470 --> 13:49.410 one to a healthy one. 13:51.410 --> 13:55.210 Then when we approach the person, we've planned and prepared 13:55.710 --> 13:58.540 this. We're going to actively listen to them. 13:59.420 --> 14:03.020 So we're going to invite them to tell us about this 14:03.520 --> 14:06.060 conflict. We're going to invite them to tell us about the things that they have 14:06.560 --> 14:09.860 a challenge with, the things that they don't agree with, the things that they're feeling 14:10.360 --> 14:14.180 difficult and unable to express to us. This is acknowledging 14:14.680 --> 14:17.980 externally that there is actually a conflict going on. It's saying to them, 14:18.220 --> 14:21.340 hey, I know we're having a conflict about this. Let's talk about it. 14:21.840 --> 14:25.420 It's sometimes called hugging the elephant in the room. We're actually going 14:25.920 --> 14:28.380 and inviting them to talk about it with us. 14:29.150 --> 14:32.830 Then we're going to listen carefully. This is a really 14:33.330 --> 14:36.550 important part of active listening. When you're 14:37.050 --> 14:40.110 actively listening, you're not waiting for your Turn to 14:40.610 --> 14:43.070 speak, you're actively listening, 14:43.550 --> 14:47.430 you're not passively listening. And so you've got to listen carefully. 14:47.930 --> 14:51.630 And with that comes the empathy and respect. 14:52.030 --> 14:55.190 To let them talk and let them express 14:55.270 --> 14:59.430 it in the way that makes sense to them doesn't mean we 14:59.930 --> 15:03.670 don't have an opportunity to ask questions. And that's where the next stage understand, 15:04.070 --> 15:08.150 comes in. We can ask as many questions as we need to truly 15:08.650 --> 15:12.190 understand their side of the table and to understand their 15:12.690 --> 15:16.070 situation, but the questions we ask should 15:16.570 --> 15:20.310 be open questions. For those of you who 15:20.810 --> 15:24.750 haven't heard the term open question before, a question which elicits a 15:25.250 --> 15:29.070 single word answer is not an open question. That's a closed 15:29.150 --> 15:31.950 question. So, for example, 15:33.550 --> 15:35.710 did that make you feel frustrated? 15:37.470 --> 15:40.510 That could lead to just a single yes or a no 15:41.010 --> 15:43.790 answer, or it could lead to the person going, 15:44.110 --> 15:48.310 well, does that mean Andrew doesn't understand what I felt because I wasn't frustrated, 15:48.810 --> 15:52.460 I was angry. Whereas if you ask the question, how did that 15:52.960 --> 15:56.780 make you feel? Then it allows them to express it in any way 15:57.280 --> 16:00.620 that makes sense to them. It gives them a lot more 16:01.120 --> 16:04.700 open way to express the answers to the questions that you 16:05.200 --> 16:09.260 ask them and often will give you more information than you 16:09.760 --> 16:14.140 anticipated. If you're asking a closed question that 16:14.640 --> 16:18.380 elicits a single word or a single small phrase answer, 16:18.460 --> 16:21.840 then you're not getting as much information out of them as if 16:22.340 --> 16:24.960 you asked an open question where they can just talk for as long as they 16:25.460 --> 16:29.200 need to express their ideas. Lastly, in the 16:29.700 --> 16:33.480 understand phase, it's important to assume positive intent. 16:33.960 --> 16:37.320 We've talked about this a number of times on debugging leadership, 16:37.800 --> 16:41.480 but very, very few people come 16:41.980 --> 16:45.800 to work with the intent to cause harm, with the intent to cause 16:46.300 --> 16:50.450 frustration, with the intent to act, actively work against the 16:50.930 --> 16:54.410 best interest of the business. Most of the time, people come 16:54.910 --> 16:58.450 to work wanting to do a good job and wanting to make good 16:58.950 --> 17:02.730 things. It's just their understanding of what 17:03.230 --> 17:06.370 that means could be different to other people's understanding of what that means. 17:06.930 --> 17:11.130 And so it's really important that we assume positive intent when 17:11.630 --> 17:13.650 we're asking these questions and trying to understand. 17:15.280 --> 17:18.560 So this phase of the pause framework will take as long as it takes. 17:19.440 --> 17:23.560 We're not adding our own interpretations here. We're not assuming 17:24.060 --> 17:27.480 any intent. We're just asking questions to try and 17:27.980 --> 17:31.520 understand what's going on. Then we can 17:32.020 --> 17:35.280 move to the share part. So this is where 17:35.440 --> 17:39.120 we can talk about our interpretation of 17:39.620 --> 17:43.980 what happened. And they might have, in their description 17:44.480 --> 17:48.820 of what was happening from their point of view assumed some negative intent 17:50.580 --> 17:53.980 from your side. If that happens during the understand phase, 17:54.480 --> 17:58.140 it's important to just let them keep talking, not necessarily acknowledge 17:58.640 --> 18:02.300 it at that point, because we want them to keep talking. We don't 18:02.800 --> 18:06.060 want to turn this into you correcting them as 18:06.560 --> 18:10.500 they're trying to express their point of view. But this is your opportunity 18:10.660 --> 18:15.060 to express your correction to their understanding 18:15.560 --> 18:18.940 of what happened. Once they've explained everything and we're explaining our side, 18:19.420 --> 18:23.340 this is where we can acknowledge it. So it's important that we acknowledge 18:23.840 --> 18:27.539 their assumed negative intent. We don't just brush it away. We say 18:28.039 --> 18:32.140 something like, yes, I understand that you felt that I was working against 18:32.300 --> 18:36.140 you here. I understand that you felt that my behavior 18:37.100 --> 18:40.950 was dishonest, I understand that you felt my behaviour 18:41.450 --> 18:45.030 was unprofessional and I apologize for the 18:45.530 --> 18:49.150 way that it came across. However, my actual intent was 18:50.110 --> 18:53.590 blah. So this is the acknowledge, apologize and 18:54.090 --> 18:57.390 correct. This is how you express 18:57.550 --> 19:01.430 your interpretation of what went on and you're talking 19:01.930 --> 19:05.070 to your perspective. So please, as much, 19:05.550 --> 19:09.630 as much as it's frustrating to try and talk about, to not 19:10.130 --> 19:13.450 try and talk about your or interpretation here, 19:13.850 --> 19:18.370 hold it all to here and assume correct 19:18.870 --> 19:22.610 to their assumed negative intent here. So at this point, 19:23.110 --> 19:26.330 we've acknowledged that there's a conflict internally and externally. 19:26.410 --> 19:29.930 We've hugged the elephant in the room, we've listened and understood 19:30.430 --> 19:34.170 to their interpretation of events, we've shared our interpretation 19:34.670 --> 19:38.050 of events. And hopefully at this point, everybody can see that this 19:38.550 --> 19:42.570 wasn't people without shared 19:42.730 --> 19:46.510 goals. Because what we're going to do here in the end 19:46.590 --> 19:49.710 is to realign those common and shared goals. 19:50.270 --> 19:53.950 Because at the end of the day, most of these conflicts will come from 19:54.450 --> 19:58.150 the fact that we agree with what we're trying to achieve. We just 19:58.650 --> 20:02.190 disagree with how we're going to get there. And if you 20:02.690 --> 20:06.510 do have a misalignment in common goals, then you've often 20:07.070 --> 20:10.900 got a bigger problem that probably 20:11.300 --> 20:15.140 it's an organization or cultural problem that's harder to resolve 20:15.640 --> 20:19.100 than this one particular conflict. Most of the time you will have a common goal 20:19.600 --> 20:23.180 with somebody, even if that common goal is we want to build great 20:23.680 --> 20:27.540 software, we want to make our customers happy, we want to come 20:28.040 --> 20:31.380 to work and have a healthy and happy working environment. 20:31.540 --> 20:34.260 You will have some shared common goal with them. 20:34.740 --> 20:38.140 And so it's important that you reaffirm this with that person 20:38.640 --> 20:42.910 so that they can see that you're working towards towards that common goal. 20:44.590 --> 20:48.550 Then it's important to agree 20:49.050 --> 20:52.830 about what happened in the past, to agree what this conflict was about agree that 20:53.330 --> 20:56.630 the way that it was handled was not necessarily the best way to 20:57.130 --> 21:00.310 handle a conflict and then agree on what we should do 21:00.810 --> 21:03.390 in the future. So this could go something like, 21:04.350 --> 21:07.590 look, Jennifer, we both want to build 21:08.090 --> 21:11.790 great software for our customers. We both want to make our customers happy and 21:12.290 --> 21:16.490 make their lives easier. The way both of us acted 21:17.050 --> 21:20.490 in that last meeting doesn't go towards that goal. 21:21.210 --> 21:24.290 We didn't act with the behavior that would drive towards that. 21:24.790 --> 21:27.450 And I apologize for my part in that. 21:28.090 --> 21:31.490 And I really want to see us go towards a place where we can 21:31.990 --> 21:35.610 have healthy conflicts in the future. And the way we can do that 21:36.110 --> 21:39.610 is by making sure that when we're discussing ideas in the meeting 21:40.270 --> 21:44.230 where talking about the ideas themselves so 21:44.730 --> 21:48.110 realign with the common goals. We both want to build great software for our customers. 21:48.830 --> 21:51.910 Agree what happened previously, that was unprofessional. 21:52.410 --> 21:56.270 That was unproductive, however you want to phrase it. And agree with what should happen 21:56.430 --> 22:00.190 in the future. When we're discussing ideas, 22:00.690 --> 22:04.270 we talk about the ideas, not the people. So this is 22:05.070 --> 22:08.670 the PAUSE framework that will help guide you in moving 22:08.990 --> 22:12.370 a conflict from an unhealthy conflict to 22:12.870 --> 22:16.890 a healthy conflict. Next, we're going to go through some of the example worksheets 22:17.290 --> 22:20.810 that will hopefully give you an understanding of how to apply 22:21.310 --> 22:22.090 this in practice.