WEBVTT 00:03.200 --> 00:06.760 Welcome to the Healthy Conflict Worksheet. This worksheet will 00:07.260 --> 00:10.840 help you prepare for and execute on moving a conflict from 00:11.340 --> 00:14.520 an unhealthy state to a healthy state. Unlike a lot of the 00:15.020 --> 00:19.120 other worksheets we've covered in Debugging Leadership, this one can't necessarily 00:19.620 --> 00:23.240 be used in the moment. As we're having a conflict discussion 00:23.740 --> 00:27.360 with somebody, we don't necessarily want to be having a piece of paper in front 00:27.860 --> 00:30.720 of us and be looking down and reading it all the time. 00:31.280 --> 00:34.840 Unless of course, you're having the conflicts with somebody else that's been 00:35.340 --> 00:38.280 through this course and you can talk about it and kind of use it as 00:38.780 --> 00:42.520 a meta discussion. But mostly this will be used for when you're having a conflict 00:43.020 --> 00:46.240 with somebody else who hasn't necessarily been through the debugging leadership 00:46.740 --> 00:50.080 courses. And so this is meant to be helping you 00:50.580 --> 00:54.480 with the pre conversation preparation 00:54.980 --> 00:58.520 as opposed to actually in the moment itself. And so you'll see less 00:59.020 --> 01:02.560 boxes to fill in and more reminders of the content of the 01:03.060 --> 01:06.780 course. So the first page is a reminder 01:07.280 --> 01:10.540 of the pause method and then some boxes to fill in. The only 01:11.040 --> 01:14.460 boxes on this worksheet that help you prepare for 01:14.960 --> 01:18.260 moving this conflict from an unhealthy state into a healthy 01:18.760 --> 01:22.900 state. So the first box is the prepare stage of 01:23.400 --> 01:26.780 the pause framework. And for prepare, 01:27.280 --> 01:29.980 one of the things we need to do is acknowledge internally, 01:30.300 --> 01:33.660 like we said in the course, we need to actually say to ourselves, 01:33.900 --> 01:37.800 we are having a conflict and this is what the conflict is about. 01:38.300 --> 01:41.760 It's really important that we take that step to just go, yes, 01:42.260 --> 01:46.240 this is a conflict, then we need to move through to the mindset 01:46.740 --> 01:50.800 and preparation stages. So you recognize these from the Difficult Conversations 01:51.300 --> 01:53.880 course. Very similar questions here. 01:54.040 --> 01:57.560 If you feel like you need to go deeper into these two boxes, 01:57.640 --> 02:01.720 by all means open up the Debugging Difficult Conversations 02:02.220 --> 02:05.890 worksheet. This often when we're having these conversations 02:06.390 --> 02:09.850 about moving from an unhealthy conflict to a healthy conflict, it's going 02:10.350 --> 02:13.730 to be a difficult conversation. So you can delve deeper in that. 02:14.210 --> 02:17.490 Then lastly, we've got the courage and composure. So this is 02:17.990 --> 02:21.810 where we remind ourselves that we need to have the courage to have this conversation, 02:21.970 --> 02:25.250 but we also need to stay composed while 02:25.750 --> 02:29.570 we're having it. Now, we're not necessarily in 02:30.070 --> 02:33.480 these points talking about the content of the 02:33.980 --> 02:37.560 conflict where we're not in a place here where we're 02:38.060 --> 02:41.840 going to be resolving the actual merits 02:42.000 --> 02:46.360 of the conflict. We're just trying to get this unhealthy 02:46.860 --> 02:49.440 conflict where we're having disagreements about, 02:50.640 --> 02:54.480 like we said in the course, disagreements about people or 02:54.980 --> 02:58.720 disagreements around goals. But we're moving it to a healthy conflict 02:59.050 --> 03:02.730 where we have a commonality of goals, we have mutual respect 03:02.890 --> 03:07.050 for each other and mutual trust, but we're 03:07.550 --> 03:11.290 just having a conflict on ideas. So when 03:11.790 --> 03:15.009 you're filling in these boxes, don't think about the content of the 03:15.509 --> 03:19.490 conflict itself, but just think about the conflict itself 03:19.990 --> 03:22.770 and how we're going to move this conflict to a more productive, 03:23.270 --> 03:27.060 healthy conflict. The second sheet of this 03:27.560 --> 03:30.740 worksheet is just a reminder of the pause method 03:31.240 --> 03:34.580 itself. So we've covered the prepare the P on pause 03:34.740 --> 03:38.420 and now we've got the other sections themselves. So actively 03:38.920 --> 03:42.100 listen to them, discuss the conflict, acknowledge to them, 03:42.260 --> 03:45.700 hug the elephant in the room, and discuss it with empathy and 03:46.200 --> 03:50.180 respect. Understand their point of view by asking open questions. 03:50.420 --> 03:54.180 Assume positive intent. Move through 03:54.680 --> 03:58.300 to sharing your view without blame, summarizing their points. 03:58.700 --> 04:02.180 Show that you understand and give your points of view as 04:02.680 --> 04:05.820 blamelessly as possible. Again, careful and respect, 04:06.380 --> 04:09.500 and then end with alignment and action. 04:09.820 --> 04:13.460 Reaffirm the common goals that you have with each other. What are you trying to 04:13.960 --> 04:17.980 achieve together? Again, most of the time you will have a very direct 04:18.540 --> 04:22.140 common goal. Sometimes the common goal is we just want to 04:22.640 --> 04:26.240 build great software together, we want to please our customers, or we just want 04:26.740 --> 04:30.320 to work in a place that is healthy and productive. There will always be a 04:30.820 --> 04:34.440 common goal of some sort and you know, here is where you can find 04:34.940 --> 04:37.960 it. And then agree what you will do both with 04:38.460 --> 04:42.240 this conflict itself, to move this conflict to a state where you 04:42.740 --> 04:45.920 can have a healthy conflict and talk about the merits of the 04:46.420 --> 04:49.920 of the disagreeing ideas as opposed to the 04:50.420 --> 04:53.960 disagreeing people. And then also it's also worth mentioning, 04:54.440 --> 04:58.420 what do you do if you have a sense that you're moving towards another 04:58.920 --> 05:02.500 conflict with this person and how you can make sure that they 05:03.000 --> 05:05.620 stay healthy and start healthy. 05:06.340 --> 05:09.540 So that's the healthy Conflict worksheet. Next we'll 05:10.040 --> 05:12.740 go through some examples of how to use this in reality.