WEBVTT 00:03.200 --> 00:06.720 There's a three page document that takes you through the questions we've talked about, 00:06.800 --> 00:10.560 takes you through the understanding of the difficult conversation itself 00:10.800 --> 00:14.480 and then the mindset and the preparation that's going to be the most effective 00:14.980 --> 00:18.800 for you approaching this. This is a useful jumping off point every time you 00:19.300 --> 00:23.000 know that you've got a difficult conversation coming up. So how do you use 00:23.500 --> 00:27.320 it? The first page is all around the difficult conversation itself, trying to 00:27.820 --> 00:31.640 really get out from you what this is about and 00:32.140 --> 00:35.240 how we're going to handle this difficult conversation. Because, you know, 00:35.740 --> 00:39.000 often we know that something is going to happen, but we've not got it clear 00:39.500 --> 00:42.960 in our own mind. So that's what the first two questions here are about. 00:43.460 --> 00:46.720 Trying to express that difficult conversation. Trying to get those wires 00:47.220 --> 00:50.640 in your brain lined up so that you're really thinking about this in the context 00:51.140 --> 00:54.530 of this is a conversation I'm going to have and these are the people 00:55.030 --> 00:58.650 that are going to be involved in that conversation. So we try and describe the 00:59.150 --> 01:02.090 conversation the what as neutrally as we can because we're trying not to have an 01:02.590 --> 01:05.930 emotional reaction at this point. We'll come through to the mindset in a minute 01:06.430 --> 01:09.130 where we can deal with those emotions, but let's try and deal with it as 01:09.630 --> 01:13.330 neutrally as we can. If you find yourself not being particularly neutral here, 01:13.410 --> 01:17.090 maybe after you've done the mindset you can come back to this and redo 01:17.590 --> 01:21.080 this first question to really get that as neutral as you can. The who section 01:21.580 --> 01:24.280 is about the people that are going to be involved in this. We don't want 01:24.780 --> 01:28.120 the difficult conversation to have too many people in, but we also want to make 01:28.620 --> 01:31.880 sure that we're involving people who should be in that conversation. If we're 01:32.380 --> 01:36.120 having a performance management conversation with somebody, it should probably just be 01:36.620 --> 01:40.200 that person by themselves. If we're dealing with a challenging project, we should 01:40.700 --> 01:43.920 probably have the project team members there. But people who don't need to 01:44.420 --> 01:47.500 be there probably shouldn't be there to the right people and not one person 01:48.000 --> 01:51.420 more. Then think about when the conversation should happen. 01:51.980 --> 01:55.260 You know, do we want to have this on the morning, on an evening? 01:55.340 --> 01:58.740 Generally, if you're having difficult conversations, you want to stay away from the 01:59.240 --> 02:02.460 afternoon. On a Friday, you know, nobody wants to go home for the weekend with 02:03.100 --> 02:06.780 a bad end to their day. It's hopefully going through this. 02:06.860 --> 02:10.540 You're going to be as compassionate and 02:10.700 --> 02:14.300 as hopeful and helpful with them as you can. But sometimes these difficult 02:14.800 --> 02:17.800 conversations are going to be challenging no matter what. And people I don't want to 02:18.300 --> 02:21.400 end the week that way. The last question here is where, 02:22.600 --> 02:26.000 you know, having a difficult conversation in the middle of an office is often not 02:26.500 --> 02:29.240 the best place to do it. Having it in the all hands, 02:29.640 --> 02:33.400 weekly or monthly discussion with your boss may not 02:33.900 --> 02:36.640 be the right place to have it. Sometimes it is. And so, you know, 02:37.140 --> 02:41.080 really think about what the location does to the conversation and think about where 02:41.580 --> 02:44.400 you're having the conversation, how that can change the tone of the question, and if 02:44.900 --> 02:48.720 people might be feeling defensive if you have that conversation in that particular place. 02:50.640 --> 02:54.400 So then we come on to the mindset. These are the questions which really 02:54.900 --> 02:58.560 should help you understand the benefits of having this conversation, 02:58.800 --> 03:02.160 both for you, the other people involved, and then a wider group. 03:02.319 --> 03:04.600 So we went through this in the mindset section, so I'm not going to go 03:05.100 --> 03:08.280 through this a lot, but please spend the time thinking about this. There can be 03:08.780 --> 03:12.160 multiple answers to each of these questions, so spend the time thinking through it and 03:12.660 --> 03:16.120 thinking through what those multiple answers could be. The last one is kind 03:16.620 --> 03:19.080 of the negative side of things. This is the shock factor at the end. 03:19.580 --> 03:22.760 This is to remind you that although there are all these positives in having the 03:23.260 --> 03:26.480 conversation, not having the conversation is a choice in itself. 03:26.640 --> 03:30.399 And so the impacts of not having the conversation are laid out in that last 03:30.899 --> 03:34.800 question. Lastly, we've got the preparation. So again, 03:35.300 --> 03:37.480 we've been through this in the previous section, so I'm not going to go too 03:37.980 --> 03:41.080 deep, but really this is how we back ourselves up. This is why we make 03:41.580 --> 03:43.950 sure we've got all the data we need. This is where we make sure that 03:44.450 --> 03:47.910 we've got a right understanding of the situation and where we think through the objections 03:48.150 --> 03:51.510 that the person or the people we're having the conversation with 03:51.670 --> 03:54.750 could raise. And then we think about the different 03:55.250 --> 03:59.030 plans, the different ways the conversation could go, and therefore the preparation 03:59.530 --> 04:03.030 we need to deal with those circumstances. So this worksheet is there to 04:03.530 --> 04:06.750 allow you to think through this and to be that aid memoir, that jogging of 04:07.250 --> 04:10.630 your memory that allows you to think through the different pathways of having 04:11.130 --> 04:14.910 a difficult conversation. Print it off, use it online, use it in any way you 04:15.410 --> 04:18.070 want, but please, when you know you're having a difficult conversation, 04:19.110 --> 04:22.670 use it, think through it. Spend the time. You should be spending 04:23.170 --> 04:26.510 at least 10 minutes on this. Ideally, you should be spending 15 to 04:27.010 --> 04:30.310 30, but a minimum of 10 minutes to think through this worksheet. 04:31.030 --> 04:34.350 In the following sections, we'll go through filled in versions of this worksheet to 04:34.850 --> 04:36.870 give you some clues on how to use it, but it's there for you to 04:37.370 --> 04:37.980 use right now.