Micromanagement detox

[00:02] Welcome and Introductions

Andrew Murphy: Hello, and welcome to another Tech Leaders Launchpad livestream. This is where I get the people that I learn from to share their wisdom with you. I'm Andrew Murphy. If you've never seen me before, I teach technology leadership skills. I run a business called Tech Leaders Launchpad, and part of what I do is this series of livestreams where I highlight the people who have been my coaches, mentors, and have spent a lot of time learning from over the years and give you the benefit of their experience.

When I started being a leader 15 years ago, there wasn't a lot of resources out there, and I had to learn things the hard way. My mission now is to make sure you don't have to, and you don't have to spend 15 years becoming a better leader. There's a great number of resources out there already, but there can always be more and better ones.

So today I've got with me James. James is a very experienced person in the startup space. He has spent a lot of time in leadership and also built a training course for Tech Leaders Launchpad. That's kind of the basis of what we're going to spend a lot of our time discussing today—the training course he built. One of the things I do when I bring new trainers onto Tech Leaders Launchpad is ask them: What's the one thing you wished every single engineering manager knew straight away? James was talking about micromanagement. James, where does this livestream find you physically in the world right now?

James Dong: Of course. Hello, everyone. I'm physically in San Francisco, California.

Andrew Murphy: Amazing. That's one of the great things about the world we find ourselves in 2025—we can do this globally.

[02:14] James’s Background and Approach to Efficiency

James Dong: I started my career as a management consultant, working with large companies to improve their systems and processes. After that, I started my own business and did a lot of consulting and advisory work for other tech startups—of course, being in San Francisco, that's a key industry here. A lot of that work has been about finding opportunities to improve efficiency, automation, and standards of excellence.

I call myself an efficiency slut. I really care about not doing things again and not doing things in a silly, redundant way. That's defined a lot of my career and a lot of what I'm passionate about, including building this course. Andrew, what you said earlier about inefficiency—learning your lessons repeatedly without external guidance or guidelines—is so true. That's why I'm passionate about building resources to help others skip those mistakes.

Andrew Murphy: Exactly! As engineers, we often forget the principles we use in software, like DRY (Don't Repeat Yourself), can apply to management and life as well.

James Dong: I'm all for translations—using engineering mindsets in other areas.

[04:50] Participation, Housekeeping, and Topic Introduction

Andrew Murphy: If you're watching on LinkedIn, YouTube, or Twitch, please use the chat. Post any questions or comments in there. If you have to drop off, the stream will be recorded and available afterwards. Let’s get into today’s topic: micromanagement. That’s what James’s course for Tech Leaders Launchpad was about. Why did you feel so strongly about addressing micromanagement? Why dedicate days to building a training course on it?

James Dong: It's broader than engineering management—it's all management really. I'm passionate about this course because I used to be a horrible micromanager. My first dozen or so direct reports probably still curse my name! It wasn't until a lot of people had quit on me that I realized: maybe I'm the problem.

That required a lot of introspection and research on being a better manager. I found studies showing that over two-thirds of people say they've been micromanaged, and about the same number have thought about quitting because of it. Almost a third actually have quit because of micromanagement. Managers carry an enormous blast radius, positive or negative.

Especially with founders, micromanagement crops up a lot—so I’m passionate about helping people avoid the same mistakes I made.

[08:31] Why Micromanagement Happens and Overcoming the Mindset

Andrew Murphy: It's an easy trap, especially in knowledge work, because we're promoted due to technical skill, not management skill. Early in my career I thought promotion meant my way was the “right way.” That led to micromanagement. How do you overcome that mindset?

James Dong: Everyone’s journey is a bit different. Some companies do a good job explaining that people management is a different job from technical excellence. But for me, the insight came with time, shedding ego, and realizing there’s not one “right way.” Daniel Quinn’s book "The Story of B" helped me realize that, and management shouldn’t be about imposing my template on everyone else.

[11:44] Feedback and Dealing with Micromanagement in Others

Andrew Murphy: Sometimes realizing “maybe it’s me” is the hardest part. If you’re seeing micromanagement in someone else, especially if they report to you or are a peer, how would you start that conversation?

James Dong: Context matters. If they report to me and we've built trust around mutual growth, I can bring it up in development conversations. With a peer, it’s trickier—there’s more to lose. Either way, I’d start any conversation from a place of sincerity: ask for permission to offer feedback, say it comes from positive intent, and share what I’ve noticed in myself, even if it’s not true for them. Receiving feedback is hard, so this sets the right tone.

Andrew Murphy: Yes, assuming positive intent is key!

[15:16] The Four Behaviors of Micromanagement

Andrew Murphy: You talk about four behaviors of micromanagement in your course. Want to give us a rundown and why these are counterproductive?

James Dong: I call them the Butinsky, Eager Beaver, Backseat Driver, and Impatient Chaser. They’re not mutually exclusive—think of them like overlapping blobs.

• Butinsky: Interjects into others’ work, constantly giving unsolicited ideas or wanting to join meetings.
• Eager Beaver: Takes initiative away from someone else's project, doing their work for them.
• Impatient Chaser: Like a child in a car—constantly asking, "Are we there yet?"—always checking up whether something is done yet, not giving space.
• Backseat Driver: Constantly course-corrects, telling people to do things differently.

These can all come from anyone—not just managers—and harm relationships and autonomy at work or even outside it.

[21:14] Behaviors on a Spectrum and Personal Examples

Andrew Murphy: Each of these is a spectrum. Early in my leadership, I was overbearing—directing every detail. It didn’t scale. Then, in my next job, I swung too far the other way and became too hands-off. Both extremes are suboptimal. How do you find the balance?

James Dong: Management is a one-to-one relationship; where you land on the spectrum depends on whom you’re managing. Seniority, confidence, competence—all factor in. There’s a framework I like: confidence vs. competence. As people gain experience, they gain competence but might lack confidence, so your management needs to evolve. What works with one person may not with another. It’s like dating—"my exes were fine with this" is not an excuse; every relationship is different.

[29:32] Self-Awareness, Emotional Intelligence, and Triggers

Andrew Murphy: Emotional intelligence starts with self-awareness. Managing yourself comes before managing others. How do you help people gain that self-reflection?

James Dong: In my course, there's a section on identifying your triggers—what might set off your urge to micromanage—and minimizing them. I’ve built logic-tree frameworks to increase the space between trigger and response, making your reaction more intentional. For example, with one particular slow colleague, I learned to work in separate spaces to avoid triggering myself into micromanagement.

Andrew Murphy: The time we need self-management most is when we’re least logical—building systems for those moments ahead of time is crucial.

[34:40] Building Better Habits and Emergency Situations

James Dong: For people in the micromanagement detox course, the steps may seem extreme if you’re not deep into the problem. But building the habits means when you fade from best practice, you’re still doing okay. The course is intentionally designed for those deep in micromanagement as well as building preventative skills. There’s even a section on what to do in emergencies—like when someone is about to quit because of you.

[35:11] Tailoring Management and Handling Emotional Whiplash

Andrew Murphy: New leaders struggle with how to tailor management for juniors versus seniors, and switching between the two can cause “emotional whiplash.” What advice do you have?

James Dong: In large organizations, spans and layers help, but in startups, you’ll have that disparity. I carve out days for different types of 1:1s, never doing back-to-back ones. I need emotional breathing room because you never know what a 1:1 will bring.

Andrew Murphy: I do calendar defragging—grouping similar altitude tasks together to minimize switching costs. Color coding tasks in the calendar helps.

James Dong: Yes, context switching costs 15-20 minutes, so I lump similar activities when possible and review my calendar daily for clumping opportunities.

[41:49] Repairing Relationships After Micromanagement

Andrew Murphy: If you realize you’ve micromanaged and want to repair a relationship, how do you do that?

James Dong: Start by being brutally honest—have a direct conversation: "I realize I've been micromanaging, and I want to change. Can I ask you to hold me accountable?" That acknowledgment does a lot. Second, be honest about your emotional triggers—if you get frustrated about something, say it, and ask if your frustration is valid/contextual. Sometimes there are personal or neurodiverse reasons for speed or style differences. Openness can reveal those and shift dynamics.

[46:24] Offhand Comments, Power Dynamics, and Parallels to Parenting

Andrew Murphy: A lot of skills are relevant both at work and at home. Offhand comments can have a big impact due to the power dynamic. Sometimes parenting and management feel similar, in terms of preparing intentionally and understanding how words land.

James Dong: Agreed. I’ve had direct reports call out my offhand comments, things that seemed minor to me but felt significant because of the power dynamic. Being mindful of that is a key managerial skill.

[48:54] Lessons from Parenting Applied to Management

Andrew Murphy: I see so many parallels between raising my young son and leadership. Kids experiment without fear or shame. There’s a talk I want to create: “What My Two-Year-Old Taught Me About Engineering Leadership,” or “How My Two-Year-Old Made Me a Better Leader.”

James Dong: Love it! That’s a compelling concept.

[52:10] Resources, Recommendations, and Closing

Andrew Murphy: Any resources you'd like to recommend? Where did you learn some of this?

James Dong: Charity Majors’ blog is fantastic—she just posted on “founder mode” recently, which often ties into micromanagement. But ultimately, more experiences make you a better manager—especially switching between manager and individual contributor roles, which broadens your empathy and perspective.

Andrew Murphy: Awesome. Thanks! If you’re watching on YouTube, subscribe. On LinkedIn, follow me. Next month’s livestream will feature Tim Newbold—you all know OKRs, but we’re going to talk about how not to mess them up.

James Dong: Thank you, Andrew. This was a great conversation. Feel free to message me—I love to help.

Andrew Murphy: Thanks to everyone for watching and engaging. That's why we do this. See you on the next Tech Leaders Launchpad Livestream!