Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the manipulator makes the victim question their own recollection of reality, their perception of reality, their understanding of a certain situation, and even their own beliefs.

Examples of Gaslighting

Clear-Cut Example

Imagine you and a coworker are in a meeting with another company. You say something wild and outrageous, and as a result, that company no longer wants to work with you. In this case, it is very clear that you made an error and it is your fault.

Subtle Example

Consider a more subtle situation: You and a coworker are in a business meeting with another company. You make a point about how you can work together. You thought it was a good point, but maybe it didn't come out sounding as great. It was still okay, but something soured, and the other company no longer wanted to work with you.

If your coworker wants to gaslight you, they might say, "You know, that point you made caused us to ruin the sale because it caused the other company to no longer want to work with us." You don't actually know if that's true or not. There can be dozens of reasons why that company doesn't want to work with your company anymore. Now, because your coworker is making you reinterpret and reevaluate that comment you made, you start questioning yourself:

• Was I right in that comment?
• Did I stumble?
• Was I unsure?
• Did I not sound sincere?

There was no recording of the meeting, and you can't ask the other company. Your coworker is giving you a different reality than you experienced, and suddenly you are left questioning what really happened. You'll never be 100% sure.

The Challenge of Gaslighting

The trickiest part of gaslighting is that we don't even know if the coworker is accurate or not. The effect is the gaslighting effect, and that's why it can be so difficult in the workplace to know when to stand up for yourself and when to defend yourself. Most of the times when you experience gaslighting are in gray area subjective moments, after which you'll have to go back and think about it for a while—sometimes days, sometimes weeks. It will bother you, and you'll relive that situation, but it will never be certain.

Course Objective

The challenge we will approach in this course is to resolve these situations in a professional and assertive way so that when you face manipulation, you know how to defend yourself.