Understanding Gaslighting and Its Perpetrators

In this video, we explore the types of individuals who typically use the manipulation tactic known as gaslighting. When we hear that someone is gaslighting another person, our immediate reaction is to label them as manipulative and conniving. This triggers numerous red flags, and we tend to strongly dislike the person employing this tactic. However, it's important to pause and consider the reasons behind their actions.

Serial Manipulators

Of course, there are individuals who are serial manipulators. For them, gaslighting is a way to get ahead; it's a life skill they have honed. These individuals are often disliked and avoided, and rightfully so. There is no issue with vilifying these particular people.

Common Human Behavior

The key point of this discussion is that gaslighting is not exclusive to serial manipulators. At some point, we have all engaged in this behavior. Consider a scenario where you have made a mistake or are unsure about an outcome. The natural reaction is to ask, "Whose fault was it? Who can I blame?" This is a common and natural response because accepting full responsibility can be hurtful and dangerous.

In such situations, we may start looking for faults in others. If we don't take the time to check ourselves, especially in quick conversations or meetings, we might subconsciously fall into this behavior. Later, we might regret our actions and feel the need to apologize. However, if we never get the chance to apologize, the other person may perceive us as manipulative, even though our primary intention was self-protection.

Reasons Behind Gaslighting

1. Self-Protection: Often, people gaslight to protect themselves from the repercussions of their own mistakes. They are not necessarily trying to hurt others but are trying to soften the blow for themselves.
2. Lack of Awareness: Sometimes, individuals are not aware of their manipulative behavior. They might not have had the time to reflect on their actions.

Moving Forward

Before we completely vilify manipulators, we should try to understand their motivations. Are they serial manipulators, or are they acting out of a lack of something? If the latter, there might be an opportunity to help them improve and move forward as a team.

Reversible Behavior

Some manipulative behaviors are reversible. By bringing these issues to light and working on them, we can help team members become productive and positive contributors to the team. This approach fosters a better team chemistry and a more supportive environment.

In conclusion, while some gaslighting behaviors are harmful and should be addressed, others stem from common human reactions and can be corrected with understanding and support.